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Unlearn is the first floor of my relationship coaching program. It is truly the best way to begin the process of becoming your highest self on the journey of life!

First Floor: You must unlearn all of the bad things family, friends, school, and society have put in your mind.

Elevator 1: Unlearn

Part of everyone’s job in life is to unlearn all of the bad stuff that your parents, school, and society taught you in your teen years, then keep what was good that you know has value. The next part of your journey is to look inside yourself to truly soul search and figure out where you might need to grow, adjust, or change. The hardest thing for anyone to admit is that they are wrong or could be living wrong, or that they have to apologize to someone else. This process usually occurs as a young adult between the ages of 22 and 32.

Do you ever ask yourself tough questions?

“What is my purpose in life?”

“Who am I and who do I want to become?”

Are you ever critical of yourself and the choices and decisions you make in life, or do you have someone close to you in your inner circle who’s willing to tell you when you’re doing wrong?

It’s important to self govern continuously and take time to look within. Things are always tricky when you’re trying to grow as an individual. What most people find out in life, however, is that all personal growth leads to success in their private and professional lives.

Here’s a list of key ideas you can write down and read each day to keep you focused on self-improvement.

• Keep a journal
• Talk to a parent or elder
• Be involved in groups or workshops with professionals in your field

It can be essential to learn from people who are entirely different from you or your inner circle and family. Consider learning from or asking questions to people from another gender, culture, religion, or profession. When you’re seeking change and growth, gathering information and knowledge from different perspectives can be truly helpful. We’re so used to our own traditions and ways that we might miss ideas from other people that can take us higher or provide a clearer picture of the person we are or want to become.

Remember: no one is perfect, so stop trying. It’s okay to make mistakes, take note, and try again. In the process of becoming an adult, we will meet all types of people that can increase our sphere of influence and bring us knowledge and joy. I have found in my own life the more I was open to meeting new people the more I learned and appreciated life and their experiences.

It can be challenging to look back on your childhood, but it’s a cleansing process that will help you grow. For example, if your parents got divorced, you might feel that it was your fault in some crazy way. This is common with children and, of course, has nothing to do with you. Please don’t blame yourself. Understand that humans can grow apart and fall out of love.

Or if as a child, you saw your parents argue all the time, it might have made you feel that marriage is a fight and not something that brings joy. Try to remember that even Mom and Dad could have made mistakes—them staying together for you while not being in love was, in fact, hurtful to their kids.

The best gift you can give yourself is the freedom to be different from how you grew up. You might even consider copying all the positive things while eliminating the negative. The key to recognizing what that is can truly be the best form of growth and self-healing you can ever have.

You must put in the work when it comes to soul searching and internal change. You need to ask yourself tough questions like “why do I feel this way about dating” or “why do I not want to get married.” These can be things that formed in your youth, but with honesty they can be transformed into positive thoughts, helping you develop healthy opinions about love, family relationships, and marriage.

Be kind and ask yourself what truly makes you happy. Then focus on those truths and make it your mission to heal, mature, and soar towards your happiness goals. If you really desire a loving marriage, then you can play an important part in achieving precisely that.

In my program, I have my clients write letters to their younger self at different ages. This is how we heal our inner self by dealing with pain from our childhood. Writing about positive and negative experiences you will bring up trauma from your past that is in the subconscious that will allow you to forgive yourself and others. You will increase your self love once you face hurt feelings and emotions that occurred from birth to eighteen years old. This is how we Unlearn so we can progress to a healthy future.

So often we don’t even notice the bad habits we have developed in our lives that we replay in our minds each day. Together we will transform your mindset and create new thoughts, ideas and even find the truth, so we can be honest and truthful with our own inner dialogue that can often be extremely cruel to ourselves. This process takes time, but it is key to increasing self-love and forming healthy life long habits. Please remember together we will transform your life one session at a time.